Tag Archives: betrayed

Ten years of stalking by the former lover

donna-telefonoThey ended up in court a woman of 49 years old, single with a son, a distinguished bank manager, now retired, and his wife, aware of the affair occurred between the two. Episodes of stalking lasted for ten years, from 2002 to 2012 and arising from a purely sexual relationship. At first continuous and persistent economic requests from the woman, then public melodrama to embarrass the banker. The blackmail is to reveal everything to his wife. Since 2009, episodes are even more aberrant: hundreds of text messages, notes left in the mailbox or attached to the door, calls, messages through third parties.

In desperation, the man moved, but didn’t solve the problem. The woman returned to the attack by stealing mails, registering to him contracts of any kind, making clear the matter to his wife. And she has even booked under a false name a room in the same hotel where the couple spent their summer holidays, also claiming the payment of her vacation.

Man has first filed a complaint for blackmail to which was followed a woman’s complaint archived because it was deemed groundless. The prefect, at the request of the victim, has obliged the stalker to stay away from the bank manager. But without success. Last year another complaint with new details. The man speaks to a woman who feels betrayed by the abandonment, that claims what was promised to her and continually asks money. A woman that even family members keeping their distance and that lives by her wits behind a respectable facade.

The persecution ended a few months ago, when she has informed to have health problems. It hasn’t been certainly the law, until now, to stop her, it’s always anchored to the lack of evidences attesting the subsistence of stalking. Similar cases have also had worst endings, others have resorted to bugs and microcameras, collecting good evidence to nail the guilties.

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The three types of betrayal

tradimentoHard to know what will happen in the mind of a betrayed when he discovers the misdeed: anger, despair, humiliation, are feelings that are intertwined with each other in most cases.

When an unfaithful is discovered, it doesn’t matter if it’s an episode or a series of constants events. Betrayeds don’t distinguish because they are often in a state of irrationality and overwhelmed by feelings of inadequacy and inferiority towards those has snared the partner with mysterious weapons. On the other hand starts some kind of lack of confidence of the person who have next. You feel misunderstood, destabilized, without reference points. Often involving the use of spy phones or bugs to try to understand the situation.

Almost nobody listens long the traitor or he does it in a perfunctory manner and only to hear the explanations, that however will not be understood. In fact, it would be important to hear. Really know the reasons of treason, so you can tell if do the bags to him or give him another chance.

The common thought teaches that the betrayal is one. Without getting into a real break which is that of pact of confidence, there are too many variables of background that should be investigated before you dispense judgments or conclusions. To start, it’s necessary to evaluate any emotive lack. The researchers say that women are less willing to forgive a betrayal where the feeling takes over, while the men found them less serious than by one for sex.

When the urge to cheat is the search for affection outside the couple, a rout has already announced because in these cases come into play emotional shares and expectations that should stay out of a couple “illegal”.

At the beginning, both in treason for sex or for lack, to command is the hormone more or less active, but then part ways. And you find yourself to feel adolescent emotions and to share more than two perfect lovers should do.

Betray with the heart means to have thrown in the towel, it means that the partner who escapes has reached its breaking point and can’t see a way out of its malaise. At the basis of these betrayals there is often incommunicability dragged over time.

Betrayal for sex instead doesn’t require an emotional sharing. The love for your spouse isn’t called into question and the idea isn’t to look for the formation of another couple.

Some people talk about a third type of betrayal unclassifiable in two previous categories. These are stories based on the head, in the pleasure of conversation, elective affinities. It’s a relationship without constraints, full of esteem and mutual respect. Even in this case, the figure of the partners isn’t attacked, the other is a diversion, responds to other needs.

Difficult to forgive and move on preserving their self-esteem and dignity. The use of control tools often confers safety and helps to re-establish a relationship also under the point of view of confidence. Only seeing with own eyes that betrayal isn’t repeated you can really believe in your partner.